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Computer programming, although quite expensive,
has been independently proved to be the world's best devised method
for generating yet more useless, cryptic and often redundant acronymns.
In official tests computer programmers generated more
acronyms per second than a deranged monkey on speed with three typewriters,
and that was despite the fact that they also generated a useless by-product,
known as "code".
So its a struggle to keep up!
Luckily this glossary of shortened forms and terms is here to help, so there is no need to become confused.
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101
A reference to George Orwell's famous novel 1984. 101 describes a room in which the
scenario you most fear is enacted in, and you would rather do anything, including killing yourself,
than spend any time there. For
this reason, it is also used by plucky Americans as the title of courses and articles for beginners.
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ADO
An invented acronym, really meaning DAO. This imaginary technology was invented
partially to ensure that VBPJ would have something to write about for 2 years and otherwise to
allow writers to create amusing headlines for their articles such as "Much ADO about nothing"
and "Careful, there may be some rADOn in your code". Watch it, you may hurt yourself
laughing.
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Bug
A misunderstanding on the part of the user as to the desired intention of a piece of software.
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DAO
Same as ADO, except misspelt. Less popular than ADO even though it allowed for many years
of trivial articles because it proved almost impossible to construct "humorous" headlines.
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HTTP
A cunning way of adding 5,000 bytes of network traffic for every 1,000 bytes you send or receive.
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Label43
Time to start again on that form I think.
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MFC
Incredibly hard to use version of VB with slightly smaller run-time DLL. Easy to crash with minor
coding errors, unlike VB, which crashes regardless of whether you write any code or not.
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MVP
A Juicy Red Apple is Nice: but not Every Apple is Red.
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MSMQ
A released piece of software with the distinction of offering you the fun opportunity to act as an
alpha tester on the most mission-critical piece of code you've ever had to write.
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ODBC
An old-fashioned and hopeless way to access data on a database, unless you "Let ADO take the strain" and call
ODBC through an ADO data source provider you write yourself, taking several
lifetimes to get to the stage of not working.
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ODBCDirect
The same as the phrase "ODBC Indirect" except using the word "Direct" for humorous
or malicious effect when the word "Indirect" should be used.
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OLE Control
The full name is actually "No Aspect of OLE Can Be Usefully Controlled from VB using this Control" but space
restrictions in the control name meant certain words had to be omitted.
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Optimised
Removed the variable name from after all the Next statements and checked the
"Compile for Fast Code" option.
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Release Build
At fucking last! It compiles!
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Unlimited Bandwidth
When used by a Web Hoster, the word Unlimited has a very special sense.
It means "Without limit unless you go above a very strict limit which you are certain to exceed, and
then strictly limited to below that limit." In fact the word
"Unlimited" bears a curiously strong resemblance to the English word "Limited".
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VB
Non-serious programming language. Normally requires only one monkey to complete coding for any project of
any complexity.
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vbAccelerator
Pathetic web-based cookery book, but at least the site's author doesn't have a moustache.
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VBPJ
A type of publication whose work is a vain struggle against the impossibility of producing
exciting cover artwork. Such publications may contain useful information but the cover
of a man holding a spanner over a VB form makes it hard to read in any public place
without embarassment.
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